


For Every One of Us, There's An Army of Them

by iforgetlikeanelephant



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Killjoys, Gen, mentions of minor character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:49:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iforgetlikeanelephant/pseuds/iforgetlikeanelephant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Touted as the 'Prototype Boy Band', Liam, Harry, Zayn, Louis, and Niall are five strangers thrown together for the sake of keeping the newest generation of Battery City natives from straying into Killjoy territory. Pills forced down their throats and memories wiped they slowly begin to dream of better things, things that they're not quite sure are dreams so much as memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Every One of Us, There's An Army of Them

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the My Chemical Romance song: The World is Ugly
> 
> Okay so, I have no idea where this came from but I've been working on it for a little over a week and I needed to share it. 
> 
> This is a Killjoy AU meaning it takes place in the year 2019 after Better Living Industries and Korse have taken over the US (and most likely the world). The idea of a post-BLI ruled world are that of Gerard Way, not me, and I will fully admit to having used well known Killjoy characters. 
> 
> Terms you may need to know:  
>  **Draculoid (Drac)** : Vampire-masked Killjoy killers employed by BL/ind  
>  **Ghosted** : Dead. Usually refers to someone who was murdered or killed; see also **Dusted**  
>  **Scarecrow** : Refers to BL/ind’s security department (Scarecrow Unit) or operatives of it. The operatives are of higher rank than the Draculoids and are above the police.

At first they don't know anything about themselves or each other but then suddenly they're all they know. 

They're thrown in a room together, these five boys that know nothing about each other and have simply been told their own names with all of the grace and dignity of a stray dog. They've been shoved into a small room with only a couple of Drac's to guard the door and told to wait and not move, or talk, or touch anything, while they do. One of them, he was told he's called Louis, taps his fingers against the top of the table restlessly, anxious to find out what happened because last he remembers is nothing and he'd really like to remember something because he feels like there's something that he should be doing and being locked in a room with four boys that look as confused as he feels doesn't feel like it's what he's supposed to be doing at all. 

The door opens without a sound and yet the boys seated at the long stainless steel table jump, startled at the sight of the tall, shiny headed man that's stepping through the door and taking a seat at the table across from them. “Hello boys, how are you feeling?” the man asks, seemingly disinterested if they respond or not. “I'm Korse and you boys are Project 51D, I hope to make your time in our project as comfortable as I and Better Living Industries can.”

“What–” one of the boys with curly hair, the one that was called Liam, starts, voice cracking and his cheeks brightening in embarrassment, “What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ that you boys are going to be making family friendly music for BL/Ind and I to use in recruitment adds and the like. We've found that we're losing more and more younger children to the ways of the Killjoys simply because they find themselves wanting to listen to _music_ ,” Korse pauses, eyes roaming the faces of the five boys in front of him, “Not that I'd worry about you, mind, we just want to have a way to reach out to the children and teens of Battery City and you five will be our golden ticket to do so.” 

“So you want us to be a _band_?” The boy called Niall questions, blinking rapidly as he tries to both figure out where the word _'band_ ' came from as well as why he bothered asking such a question in the first place because _of course_ that's what Korse is saying. 

“I don't play an instrument,” Louis says urgently, “at least, I don't _think_ I do.”

Korse purses his lips in annoyance because this group seems to be gathering their wits about them awfully quick for a group of boys that have ingested enough meds to fell a small water buffalo. “None of you play an instrument as far as I'm concerned. As BL/Ind we don't need instruments because we don't condone creativity, as the public is aware we focus on Better Living _not Entertaining Living_ , you don't need instruments to be able to sing and I was made aware that all five of you are excellent singers,” he says finally, pushing away from the table and standing in one quick motion. “I want these five transported to the room that I've had set up for them, make sure they get in and that when they do they take their meds,” Korse speaks lowly to the Drac that's standing in the doorway before he eases himself out of the room and down the white and sterile hallway. 

The Drac backs out of the room as well and returns only minutes later with four others, one for each of the boys, and they lead them through the white hallway as well, prodding them along harshly when one of the five seem to hesitate in their steps. Once the boys are in their room one of the Draculoids holds the door for the other four to file out as he speaks in a harsh tone, “take the pills on the bedside tables, each cup has a name, and if you don't I assure you, you _will_ be sorry.” With that he closes the door tightly behind himself, locking the five boys in yet another room with perfect strangers. 

***********************

It's been months now, months of voice lessons that came too easily to them and privacy that didn't exist in their shared room and Harry's going to go mad. His head has been aching on and off for weeks now and when he sleeps he dreams, something that he's been told he needs to take medication for if it ever started happening and yet he refuses to tell anyone about it. Not that he has to tell anyone anyway, the four other boys can tell when someone hasn't been sleeping well, the whole vibe of the room is off in the mornings and his sheets are usually twisted around his legs, trapping him in bed until Liam can manage to untangle the sheets for him while all the while the four boys are sending concerned looks his way. His dreams are strange, he's running through dirt and sun, laughing over his shoulder at whoever's chasing him one minute and then the next he's huddled in a dark corner wrapped in someone's arms and feeling happier than he can ever remember feeling. He sees flashes of a woman that he knows instinctively is his mother and a girl that looks too much like him not to be his sister, he can still hear their tinkling laughter when he jerks out of sleep sometimes, his ears ringing with it while he stays still and lets Liam untangle his gangly limbs. 

He knows he's not supposed to be remembering anything but the tiny glimpses that he catches in his sleep are slowly starting to bleed into his everyday life. If he hears a familiar word or smells something that reminds him of Before he's instantly got a splitting headache and movie-like memories playing behind his eyelids as he squeezes them shut, trying to hide from the bright lights of the rehearsal room and the concerned looks of Zayn and Liam as they notice him clench his fists against the pain. Harry brushes the concern aside with a strained grin that doesn't quite reach his eyes and a promise that he's fine, “just tired, really. I promise.” 

Also, Harry's not sure when he started sneaking out at night but he's pretty sure it happened in between a dream of his mother tucking him into his childhood bed and a dream of a boy grabbing his hand shyly, leading him up a set of stairs and toward where Harry knew there was a bedroom. At first he doesn't do much after he's snuck out of the room, just wanders the halls of BLI headquarters and tries not to get caught by the Scarecrows that monitor the building after lights out, but then he starts exploring the areas around the building more freely, realizing slowly that he can make it all the way out into the zones and back into bed before anyone notices he's been gone. He's back before daybreak every night and his sheets aren't tangled around his legs anymore so his boys start relaxing again, thinking it was just a phase due to medication change or something, nothing at all more sinister than that. 

Harry stops taking his pills.

He knows he's making a mistake when, the first day he flushes them down the toilet, he's nauseous and sweating all day, his hands shaking as he hold the microphone in front of his face and chokes out the words to the BLI approved songs that they're forced to sing. It gets better though, his thoughts become more clear than he can ever remember them being and he's essentially back to his old self, the Harry of Before, and he knows just how to celebrate. 

Before, when he would be curled up in his bed under his covers, he would flip through pieces of paper that he would find scattered throughout Battery City and dream of a world where the people that were photographed on the Wanted signs were actually bad guys as opposed to four guys that loved color and music too much to give it up and that made them enemies of the country, of Korse. Harry had always been fascinated by the story of the Killjoys, four guys that kept beating the odds, and Korse, making it out of captivity alive and running through the desert with other groups of people like them. What interested him in particular though, were Fun Ghoul's tattoos, pictures on his skin that told stories from his past and from Before, that shouted their colors and his allegiance without being asked. Harry wanted something of his own that could do that, something that he could look at and know, without a fraction of a doubt, was his and his alone and no one else had anything like it because he was special. 

Harry sneaks out, as per usual, on a night that they don't have practice the next day and manages to find a Fuck You house out in the Zones that has a buzzing tattoo gun and isn't asking for anything in the way of money as long as Harry has a good story to trade, and shit, does he ever. Two hours and one talked dry throat later and Harry is sporting a shiny little star on the baby soft skin of his inner bicep and he's so happy that he's got tears in his eyes. Also, he's got an invite from the junkpunk (Electric Poison) that did his tattoo to come back anytime and he'll hook him up as long as he keeps telling the tales of his time in Battery City with his boys and their talents. 

Unable to keep the grin off of his face even as he almost gets caught by the Scarecrows guarding the perimeter Harry wiggles his way under the sheets of his cold bed and drops off in to a deep sleep plagued by one of the most detailed dreams he's had. 

_Fingers trailing slowly up the arm of another male, the same one he's always dreaming about, but this time he's as clear as if he were standing right in front of him. Pliant lips pressed to his and a hand curled in his hair, tugging him down to their level as his hands drop to rest on the curve of his hip, thumb pressing into the sharp hipbone just beneath the surface of his skin._

_Laughing blue eyes and caramel fringe brushed away by nerve bitten nails,_ Harry kicks out and his feet become tangled in his blankets as he recognizes Louis standing in front of him, his dream warped memory taking on a new depth when he sees the face of the boy he's loved since he met him ( _again_ ) and they woke up together in the same room, memories gone and pasts all but erased. 

Zayn shakes Harry roughly, the only one of the others not drifted off in a comfortable sleep due to the pounding in his own head, when he sees the other boy struggling in his sleep. He gasps as his eyes open, mind racing and heart skipping as his eyes first land on Zayn and then Louis just behind him, still curled up in his bed. Harry relaxes against his pillow, eyes wild as he tugs Zayn onto the bed with him and wraps around him tightly. “ _I'm in love with Louis,_ ” he whispers against the darker boy's neck, voice cracking slightly in the dark of the room.

“ _I'm remembering things and it scares me,_ ” Zayn responds just as quietly, rubbing at Harry's back and neck as the taller boy relaxes slightly against him. “But not as much as you sneaking out in the dead of night without anyone with you scares me. Take me with you when you need to go from now on, yeah?” he continues, limbs taught with nerves until he feels Harry nod against his throat, hair brushing against his mouth as he turns his head to press a kiss to the top of the younger boy's head before they both drift off to sleep.   
***********************

Harry thought that no one noticed when he started changing, stopped sleeping right and stopped taking his pills and started sneaking out of the room, but Zayn noticed. Zayn noticed when Harry tossed and turned in the bed next to his and he noticed when the younger boy was under his covers shivering, trying to deal with withdrawal from the BLI medication while pretending he was simply tired from practice, so of course he noticed when the other boy would pad across the room and open the nearly silent airtight door to escape. Nearly silent because Zayn could hear it open even if he was in a hard sleep, the type of sleep that only taking sleeping pills could induce. 

By the time Harry was sneaking out Zayn had already accepted the fact that he was remembering his life from Before, he knew that the woman he saw in his dreams was his mother and that sometimes the faces he visualizes aren't ones he's seen since he's been awake, but that didn't mean he welcomed them. He tried as hard as he could, harder than he imagines Harry tried, to keep his memories at bay and to focus on singing and dancing and doing whatever else Korse and his merry band of Scarecrows want him to do but it was hard. He couldn't help but wonder what happened to his parents, wonder if they and his sisters still thought about him or if they were treated to the same brain wipe that he and his boys were. 

Harry walking back into the room, less quiet than he usually was and reeking of dust and gasoline while looking half dead, was the first sign that something wasn't right. That Harry probably remembered or did something big, and wouldn't tell anyone come morning what happened but it had changed him. Zayn knows this is the case when he sees Harry begin to toss and turn in his bed, harder than he usually does and crying out slightly, not stopping until he slips out of his own bed and reaches the younger male's side, shaking his shoulder. 

Zayn only admits being scared to Harry because he knows that what Harry admitted was five times worse and that the younger would need to know that he wasn't alone, that he wasn't the only one remembering things from a time and place that he shouldn't even know existed. That's why he tells Harry that he wants to go with him from then on, it's not like he'd been sleeping much anyway, and sneaking out with Harry would be better than laying in the dark of the bunk room, scared that the youngest of the group was going to mysteriously disappear and they'd be wiped of their memories of him as well and dealing with a pounding headache. 

The next few days Zayn and Harry don't do much except walk along the perimeter of Battery City, whispering quietly about what they've begun remembering and comparing memories, Harry admitting that he's known Louis for a while but that he'd never met, or even heard of, Zayn or the others Before. Zayn responds that he had a girl that he talked to, Before, and that he can almost smell her perfume and the constant scent of dust that she carried with her because she was a Crash Queen, going from one zone to another and only returning to the City wall when she had extra art supplies, things that she'd hand over to Zayn with a filthy kiss before driving off with her group of girls. “ _I loved her,_ ” Zayn admits one night as they're sneaking back into their room, a month into their nightly excursions, “I loved her but I loved my family more and so I couldn't run off with her and her Crash Queens, though I wanted to so desperately.” 

The next time they leave the cover of their room, exhausted from their performance that day but unable to sleep, Harry drags Zayn to Electric Poison to get a tattoo, Harry getting a song lyric that he remembers liking Before from a song that has long since been banned in Batter City and is still hard to find in the zones, simply because the zone runners tend to favor punk and rock as opposed to slow love songs. “Won't stop 'till we surrender? Are you gonna explain this one, or do you have _another_ story that you're gonna use to pay this time?” Electric Poison questions, needle already buzzing against Harry's arm as he begins to explain why that lyric, tripping over the explanation of Louis and what he means to him even though the other male can't seem to remember anything from Before. 

Electric Poison hums as he wraps up the tattoo, covering it up with a bit of cheap cloth and motioning for Zayn and Harry to switch spots, the younger man jumping out of the seat and all but pushing Zayn into his vacant spot. “What'll it be for you?” the junkpunk asks, getting a fresh needle from his kit and freshening his ink up, forcing himself not to grimace when he mixes the new and used ink together, needing to conserve the ink in a way that he hates. 

Zayn hesitates slightly before tugging a piece of paper out of his pocket. “Just this, it's uh, it's gonna go on my collarbone,” he says, nerves causing his voice to shake and his hands to sweat slightly. 

“Haven't seen Arabic in decades kid, you _sure_ you're only seventeen?” the tattoo artist questions, genuinely curious as he traces it quickly on transfer paper and presses it to Zayn's skin, wetting the paper with a bit of saved acid rain that burns slightly against Zayn's skin. With that, Zayn launches into the story behind his tattoo, fingers tightening sporadically around the arm of the chair but voice steady as Electric Poison starts up the tattoo gun and begins to trace the letters on his collarbone. He tells of whispered lessons in Arabic with his mother and grandfather, the erasable whiteboard that he used to practice his letters and the only person that ever believe of a life outside of Battery City, his grandfather, and how he died a month before Zayn was sixteen, a month before he was going to take Zayn out into the zones and help him make connections with people like him. People that liked art and music and almost dead languages that, even just speaking them, could lead to you being arrested and erased. “What's it say then?” Electric Poison asks curiously as he finishes up the tattoo and rubs a foul smelling ointment on it in an effort to protect it. 

“It's my grandfather's name,” Zayn answers, sounding dazed as he looks at his shiny tattoo, a hand reaching up to gently trace it before the tattoo artist covers it up with the same flimsy cloth that he used to cover Harry's. “Thank you so much,” he mumbles as Electric Poison presses the cloth to his collarbone and tapes it up carefully. 

“No, thank _you_ ,” the artist says, “I appreciate the life story, Z, and I look forward to you telling me more.” Zayn tucks his hands in his pant's pocket and ducks his head, grinning slightly at the floor as he and Harry say their goodbyes and walk quickly out of the Fuck You house, their steps sounding loud in the silence of the night. 

Zayn goes back the next night, and the night after that, all while Harry begs out, says he needs more sleep than he's been getting (but when Zayn gets back mere hours before they have to wake up for breakfast and practice Harry's always awake and eager to see his new ink, fingers tracing the stark lines as Zayn tells him the same stories he told Electric Poison). Neither of them notice Liam lying awake, keeping his breathing steady and sleepy, as he listens to their whispers, Zayn's stories bleeding into his dreams when he finally manages to drift off into sleep. 

Nights when Liam is lying awake, Harry curled up in his bed with his tattooed arm hanging out of his blankets and Zayn somewhere out in the zones, he traces Harry's tattoos with his eyes and thinks of being as brave as Harry and Zayn, their non-medicated smiles and laughter more ringing and true than he thinks he's ever heard before.  
***********************  
Liam noticed when things started changing, he's not blind.

He noticed when Harry started skipping out during the night, his footsteps not nearly as quiet as he seemed to think they were and he certainly noticed when Zayn began to join him. The thing that took him the longest to notice, and he's rightfully ashamed, was that he himself was changing. 

Liam took his meds every morning and night, even asked for _more_ when his headaches got so bad that he was digging his nails into his palms. He thought he was the only one getting headaches bad enough to make him shake until he realized that Zayn and Harry would whisper about their own while talking of memories that came along with the pounding in their heads. Liam never saw memories when he got his headaches but sometimes, in the middle of the night when his head ached so bad he couldn't sleep, he could swear he heard a female screaming his name. 

It took a while, longer than he ever would have thought, for Liam to realize that Harry and Zayn had stopped taking their meds. It took longer still for him to decide against telling someone about their disobedience, weeks of him noticing that they seemed happier and more energetic than he had ever seen them, no matter how much they tried to hide it, before he mentally agreed to keep their secrets. 

Liam keeps taking his pills. 

It's not that he's _happy_ taking them, it's just that it's all he's ever known. Liam's been taking pills for as long as he can remember, because even though he he hasn't got _complete_ memories he's still got a foggy recollection of his life Before. A life that he tries to block out because if he lets himself remember like Zayn and Harry have been he's sure he'll go mad. The thing is, Liam? He's not great at going against the rules, he has to do his best all of the time and can't let himself mess up; not taking his pills, in his eyes, would be messing up _big time_. 

That doesn't stop him from thinking about flushing his pills like he knows Zayn does, or burying them in the dirt just outside of Battery City like Harry. He thinks about it everyday that he's choking down the horse pills that he, Niall and Louis take, washing them down with water that tastes more like _nothing_ than it tastes like _something_ , the liquid tasting like nothing more than wet air on the back of his tongue. 

Two weeks into Zayn leaving the room with Harry, Liam lets himself be caught awake, turning onto his side to look at Zayn and Harry as they slip back into their beds, just as the sun is rising. “ _You guys aren't at all sneaky_ ,” he says quietly, watching with a small amount of humor as Zayn and Harry jump and curse at being caught. “I know you're not taking your pills either,” Liam continues, sitting up in his bed carefully, keeping eye contact with Harry as Zayn looks at the ground where his boots are covered in dirt. 

“Don't tell _them_ ,” Harry begs, eyes wide and voice shaking. “ _Please,_ Liam, don't tell them, _anyone_ , I'll do whatever you want!” 

“Shut it, Haz, you know he's going to,” Zayn says quietly, squinting slightly at Liam's hunched shoulders. “He's not one to break any rules, and he's not one to let others break them either,” he continues, dropping onto his own bed without bothering to move the covers aside. 

“My head's been hurting too, yeah, but I'm trying to get rid of it by taking _more_ pills. I'm not going to tell anyone anything about you two, but you should be careful,” Liam admits, looking down at his folded hands so that he doesn't have to see the shocked faces of the other two. “And also, I know Niall and Louis' heads have been hurting as well, and I think Niall may have started skipping dosages,” he says so quietly that Harry and Zayn almost don't hear him. 

“Why d'you keep taking the pills then?” Zayn asks, voice harsh in the silent room.

“I'm scared about remembering, scared that as soon as I remember my past I'll forget the present. It's easier to take the pills and not have to deal with my memories than it is to bury memories that I would remember if I stopped taking the medication,” Liam answers, his cheeks flushing slightly in embarrassment. “I don't want you guys to die unhappy, and if not taking your pills and sneaking away doing whatever it is you're doing will make you happy until we eventually die in this place then I'm not going to stop you. I'm not naïve, I know that we're just playthings for Korse and BLI to use until they get bored and dust us, so I'd rather live the time I have comfortably than deal with memories of a time and place I can't go back to,” he says seriously, voice tight at the thought of eventually dying unhappily in the harsh light of BLI Headquarters. 

“ _We need to leave_ ,” Zayn says suddenly, “All of us. But for that to happen you need to stop taking the pills, Liam.”

“I need you guys to go without me then,” Liam says slowly, letting his body sink back into his mattress. “I can't promise I won't tell anyone where you've gone, but if you don't tell me where you go then you won't have to worry about it,” Liam says truthfully, eyes staring wide and blank at the ceiling. 

“We're not gonna just leave you _behind,_ ” Harry snaps, “It's all or nothing, ya know. We won't be the same without you.” 

Liam blinks slowly and brings a hand up to his face, rubbing at his tired eyes. “ _Don't_ , Harry, if you guys need to leave then do it, take Louis and Niall with you and get out, but don't try and drag me with you. I don't want to cause any trouble,” he says tiredly, voice muffled behind the palm of his hand. 

“ _Just stop taking the fucking pills_ ,” Zayn says angrily, slamming his hand down on the mattress so that a muffled _thump_ follows his proclamation. “Liam, you know you can do it, and you know you'll feel better once you do! I'm not gonna believe this bullshit about you not _wanting_ to remember because _everyone_ wants to remember their past even if it wasn't the best, it's what makes up _who we are_ ,” he carries on, sitting up and stalking over to Liam's bed to stand over him and glare. “Are you trying to tell me that you don't want to remember your parents, or maybe you had a girl before all of this went down and she's still out there! Siblings and family are the reasons I'm giving up my pills, because I know if they had the choice they'd want for me to do whatever I could to be happy and healthy and being stuck in this overly clean hell-hole isn't healthy for _anyone_ ,” Zayn says, not bothering to raise his voice above a whisper as he looks down at Liam's prone form. 

Liam opens his eyes to look at Zayn and then, with a glare on his own face, turns onto his side and faces the wall, ignoring the older male as he closes his eyes again. Liam hears Zayn let out a huff of breath before he stomps over to his own bed, his body dropping onto the mattress with such force that Liam can hear the springs creak in protest. “Goodnight Liam, g'night Zayn,” Harry says eventually, voice tired as the sun starts to slowly peak through the window to their room, the three of them eventually drifting off into sleep.   
***********************

Niall thinks that none of the boys are particularly sneaky, he's noticed Harry and Zayn leaving the room and ignoring their pills just as much as he's noticed Liam doubling up on his pills and watching Harry and Zayn from the corner of his eyes. He's also noticed how soft Harry gets around Louis, how he'll touch him slowly and linger for longer than he used to before he started to not take his pills, it makes Niall wonder if Louis was somehow involved in Harry's life before this whole thing started. Or maybe dropping the pills made him able to feel things that the rest of them, excluding Zayn of course, couldn't feel. 

Niall watches Harry and Zayn for months, more carefully than Liam, trying to decide if the side effects of going cold turkey are worth the fact that he'll finally be off of the pills and rid of the nagging headache that's bothered him since they were thrown together. He sees Harry and Zayn, in turn, curl up under their blankets and deal with the shaking and sweating of withdrawal all while trying to act like they were fine and decides that if he's going to do it, he's going to do it right. 

Niall stops taking his pills, but in moderation. 

He's taking his pills every other day, avoiding the symptoms of withdrawal by still keeping the meds in his system but lowering the dosage bit by bit. Niall can't help but notice that Louis is doing the same thing he does, on a reverse schedule, and probably has been for months longer than Harry and Zayn have been off of their meds, months longer than any of them have been contemplating getting off of their pills. 

Niall's watched Liam watch Harry and Zayn for weeks, night after night as the two stumble back into the room, trying their best to be quiet but not actually managing to. He watched Zayn and Harry whisper in Harry's bed, the younger boy's fingers tracing over tattoos that Niall can't manage to see in the dark but he knows are there from spotting them while they change into their pajamas and stage clothes. Niall thinks tattoos are stupid, he appreciates what they stand for, the freedom of art and music and everything in between, but he can't imagine liking anything enough to make it a permanent fixture on his body, no matter what the ink may stand for. 

That's why, he thinks, when he and the rest of the boys finally get away from Korse and BLI he's going to bleach his hair just like Kobra Kid. It'll be his own piece of rebellion that's easily fixed and changed as opposed to permanent and he'll maybe eventually dye it a bright color like Party Poison but he'll still never be tatted up because he may respect Fun Ghoul but he's never wanted to look _less_ like someone in his _life_. 

Niall may have thought a lot about his future because he's gotten really good at ignoring his past. 

His past is the only reason that he wants to continue on with his meds, simply because they made him forget about the shit he went through in his life Before, made him forget that his mother all but _sold_ him to BLI for more drugs. Not that that's what it was touted as, of course, he was simply placed in BLI's care because his mother felt that she and his father weren't medicated enough. Mostly though, that meant hours of he and his brother being locked in their rooms while his father screamed at his mother and she cowered in the corner, pushing the pill bottles in his direction because “ _you're not like this when you're medicated darling, you're not, so why don't you just take your pills.”_

Niall imagines his future to be full of dust and sun, he and his boys crashing through the desert all decked out in colors and shooting their ray-guns over their shoulders and laughing as the Draculoids and Scarecrows hit the ground around them. He can picture them cramped in a tiny POS car that Harry and he have scrapped together and to everyone that sees it it looks like shit but to them it's the shiniest set of wheels they've ever seen because it's _theirs_ and theirs alone. 

He knows though, that for his visions of the future to come true he needs to get Liam to cut back on the pills he's been popping because otherwise he's one body short in his daydreams. Which is why he shakes him one night, while he knows Louis and he are just pretending to be asleep and Harry and Zayn are out doing whatever it is they do when they've snuck out, and insists on talking to him. “ _Liam,_ stop pretending to be asleep,” Niall hisses, fingers digging into Liam's shoulder hard enough to leave a bruise. 

“ _What_?” Liam snaps back, his shoulder jerking it's way out of Niall's grasp, “Why aren't you asleep?” 

“I could ask you the same,” Niall responds, sitting down on the edge of Liam's bed and watching as Louis rolls over in his 'sleep' to face them and hear their conversation more easily. “But I need to talk to you, so I'm glad you're awake,” he continues, looking Liam in the eyes with a serious look on his face. Liam nods slightly to show that he's listening and that's all it takes for Niall to carry on, “I need you to stop taking the pills because the rest of us are pretty much off of them and if you think I haven't noticed you taking more than your share then you've thought wrong. I've seen you watching Harry and Zayn every night when they sneak in and out of the room, and I know that you've noticed Louis and I not taking our meds, I'm not _stupid_. But I also know that you haven't told on any of us so you must have been thinking about joining us in the only bit of rebellion that we've got, the only thing that's stopping you are those goddamned _pills,_ and Liam, I don't know if you've realized this but life? It's a hell of a lot easier to live it unmedicated, even if you did have to deal with a bunch of shit Before, because remembering is better in the long run then forcing yourself to forget.” Niall cuts off his rambling and catches his breath, his eyes trained on Liam's, watching as his eyes seem to become wet with tears. 

“Niall, I _can't_ ,” Liam's breath hitches as a hand comes up to wipe at his wet eyes, “You have no idea how badly I wish I could but I just can't do it. My whole family is in Battery City and if I have to stay heavily medicated just so that I can _possibly_ see them again then I _will._ ”

“That's _bullshit_ ,” Louis chimes in, voice rough with sleep and causing the other two to jump in shock. "You _know_ you'll never see them again, Liam, so what's the real issue? Why are you _so afraid_ of remembering and moving on?"

"Piss off, Louis, you're the last person I want trying to help me," Liam snaps, finally sitting up against his pillows and folding his arms across his chest. 

"And why's that?" Louis sneers, "is it because of who I am? Or is it because you're jealous that I have more freedom than you do? Because regardless, I _am_ trying to help you. We need to get out of here to _live,_ Liam, and I don’t think that's making it through your thick skull!"

"What does _who you are_ have anything to do with what's going on here?" Liam questions, genuinely confused as Louis tosses his covers to the side and stomps over to his bed, settling down next to Niall. 

Niall huffs out a breath and gives Louis a look, trying to communicate the fact that they're trying to get Liam on their side and not so firmly on BLI's that he's unreachable. "If you would stop your pills for a few days you might remember more than just things about yourself, you realize this, right? You'll probably even remember the fact that my own father is one of the best Exterminators around and yet here I sit, as disposable as anyone else. You would remember that because we were _friends_ Before and, goddammit Liam, I want to be friends _After_ too. But to do that you need to _stop taking those pills!_ " Louis snaps finally, voice shot through with emotion as he reaches out and grips Liam's hand tightly. 

Liam lets his hand be squeezed for a moment before tugging it away from Louis’ grip. “If we were friends Before, like you say we were then you should _know_ why I don’t want to remember. Why it’s easier to forget my past then it is to try and overcome it,” Liam says finally, looking away from Niall’s concerned face and Louis’ glare. 

“If this is about Dani, who I didn’t even realize you _remembered_ , you need to get the fuck over that as soon as possible because there’s nothing you can do about what happened to her,” Louis says, still glaring but sounding a tad more understanding than he had been before. 

“She was _ghosted in front of me_ , how am I supposed to just get over that you _insensitive prick_?” he snaps, Niall letting out a shocked gasp and looking between the two boys arguing on the bed. 

Louis grabs Liam’s chin, forcing him to look him in the eyes as he says carefully, “She knew what she was doing, Liam, she knew the dangers of being a zone runner and she was willing to risk it all to be _free._ Do you not understand what she would think of you if she knew that you were cooped up in BLI headquarters all because you couldn’t stand the _thought_ of her? She’d tell you exactly what I’m telling you: put your big boy pants on and get the fuck over it because you have four boys here that are counting on you to pull through and if you’re doped up like a Ritalin Rat there’s no hope for any of us!” 

“Please, Liam, listen to Louis,” Niall practically begs, his fingers reaching to grab onto Liam’s wrist gently. “We need you, Harry and Zayn won’t do anything if you don’t come with us. You _know_ that they won’t, and you also know that they need to get out of here the most. If they get caught coming back in here one night, all covered in tattoos like they are? We’re dead, Liam, all of us because that’s how disposable we are. They don’t _need_ us, they never have, the only people they need are themselves and their lackeys,” he continues as Liam finally tilts his head to look at him, his chin still in Louis’ grip. 

“I–” Liam pauses, clearing his throat and moving his chin out of Louis’ grip but not shrugging him away when he places that same hand on his shoulder, “I’ll try my best, I mean, for Dani, but I can’t promise anything okay? I can’t promise that I’ll be able to handle it like you four, but I’ll start to lower my dosage. I’m not saying I’ll leave with you guys, or even that I’ll stop completely, but I’ll let myself start to feel again if that’s what you want.” He raises a hand to his eyes and wipes them again, letting out a snort of annoyance when his fingertips come away wet with tears but sinking into the hug that Louis and Niall pull him into, Niall’s chin digging into his shoulder and Louis’ digging into the top of his head. 

“Good, that’s all we ask,” Niall says, voice muffled against Liam’s neck, “Now we should all head back to our beds before Harry and Zayn come in a realize that their jig is up.”

“Why aren’t we letting them know that we know?” Louis questions as they ease out of the group hug, “I mean, they’ll figure it out eventually. Probably once ol’ Liam here lets slip that it was us two that got him to cut down on the pills.”

Niall rolls his eyes and settles onto his own bed, looking over at the other male as Louis does the same and Liam settles against his own pillows. “Because,” he starts, “You don’t want to have to admit that you’ve been listening in on their conversations for _months_ do you? And besides, if they haven’t realized that I’ve cut my dosage and you’ve been cutting your dosage right from the beginning then they don’t _deserve_ to know.” 

“Months?” Liam questions through a yawn, covers pulled up to his chin as he blinks slowly. 

“Thanks Niall,” Louis huffs, flopping against his mattress with a sigh. “Yes, _months_ , and yes I know about the connection Harry and I have before either of you bring it up. I don’t want to do anything with him until we’re both out of here safe and sound though; our love is too big to be kept quiet in this stupid bunk room,” he continues, voice surprisingly quiet in the silence. “Now goodnight boys! We’ll wake up tomorrow and Liam over there will ‘forget’ a few of his pills, it’ll be a great day!”

“G’night,” Niall and Liam chime together quietly, just before the door swings open almost silently as Zayn and Harry sneak into the room the three in their beds keeping track of their breathing to make it look as if they’re asleep.  
***********************

Louis knew what was going to happen to him three weeks before he should have because he had been sneaking into his father’s office to look at the files of BLI’s Most Wanted since he had started to read. He’s not quite sure when he, his boyfriend, and his best friend were trouble enough to have their own files but he knew for sure what was going to happen a week before he was taken into custody because his father started making noise about what certain pills did and how long they stayed in the bloodstream after you stopped taking them. 

His father may have been a high ranking Exterminator but he was still his _father_ and Louis knew that letting those facts slip was his way of preparing him for whatever was about to happen. He didn’t share the information with Liam or Harry because he figured they’d be better off without him anyway, they’d forget all about the loud and obnoxious boy that had been in their life and they’d move on, even while he was battling against the pills and memories of them to try and make it through his own life. 

He knows he’s the only one of them that remembers the day they were all forced into one room and bound to metal gurneys while they IV’d them because he’s listened to their conversations while they think he’s sleeping and no one mentions anything about them. No one mentions the agony of being forcibly knocked out and wheeled into a room where they were surrounded by Exterminators and told to choose between death or a life without memories. 

Louis knows they didn’t see their own father standing above them, expressionless, with a knife in one hand and a needle in the other while they were being told to choose, but he knows that all four of them made the same choice as he did. 

That thought, the thought that Harry and Liam made the same choice that he did, probably in hopes that they would meet up with him again even though they knew they wouldn’t remember him, was the only thing that helped him through the hell of withdrawal after that first month of being force fed drugs that made him forget who he was. 

It made him realize that maybe he should have trusted that his boys loved him as much as he loved them.

Louis noticed when Harry went off of his meds. Yes, it was obvious in the way he curled up under the covers and shivered when they were off stage and done with practice, but it was made even more obvious by the lingering glances he shot in Louis’ direction when he thought the older male wasn’t looking. His hands would linger just a second too long on Louis’ waist when they ran through their choreography and his tone of voice changed when it came to speaking with him.

Louis thought he was going to go mad while he was pretending to be on his meds. 

He’s not actually sure why he felt the need to not let anyone know that he was off of his meds already, but he had a feeling that he shouldn’t let the others know. Though really that probably had something to do with the fact that he was watching Liam down twice as many meds as he needed and Harry and Zayn were sneaking out to wherever the hell it is they were running off to in the middle of the night and he knew, he _knew_ that if Harry ever got caught he’d have to go back on his meds to help himself forget all about the younger male. So it was purely selfish reasons that had him taking his pills every other day _just in case._

BLI and Korse have turned into slave drivers the six months that they’ve been locked up, playing their puppets and singing their songs. They’re on a strict diet and in rehearsal twelve hours a day when they’re not performing, when they _are_ going on stage that night they’re rehearsing for ten hours and performing for the next two. Louis wishes that BLI didn’t control everyone’s moods because a room full of nearly silent teen girls and boys is creepier and harder to deal with than what he imagines a room full of screaming teens would be. 

Louis contemplates going on his meds full time. 

He doesn’t, of course he doesn’t, but he thinks about it at a near constant rate and can only image how Zayn and Harry must be feeling because they are off of their pills all together as opposed to his every-other-day ritual he’s got going on and he knows for a fact that at least two of the pills BLI’s been shoving down their throats are energy pills. Louis can’t stop himself from imagining what it would be like to run away with his boys, to kick up dust and fuck off to the middle of the desert with nothing but the clothes on their backs and the sun on their faces but, but he knows that will never happen until Liam stops downing handfuls of his pills. He also knows that, before they can even think about leaving, he has to get the details of where the hell they’ll go settled meaning that he has to venture out into the zones in the dead of night, just like Zayn and Harry, and find one of his oldest friends. 

She left a year ago without a word, fucked off into the desert somewhere without a trace. It takes Louis three months and more connections than he knew he had to get wind of one of her Fuck You house parties, and when he shows up he’s almost instant held against a wall with a laser gun held tight under his chin while he chokes on his suddenly too big tongue, unable to say anything but “ _please_.” 

“Let him _go!_ ” A female voice comes to his rescue, ringing out over the loud music of the party, a thin waif of a girl pushing through the crowd to get to him. Louis felt himself slump against the wall further when he recognized Eleanor, even under the fine layer of grime that living in the zones causes. 

“El, thank God,” He breaths as she stops in front of him with a small semi-smile and tugs him away from the large man that had been holding him against the wall.

“It’s Reb now, actually, Rebel Rouser. They have this thing out here where you have to come up with your own name to ‘reclaim the power Korse and those BLI bastards take’ according to Ana,” Eleanor says easily, tucking her hand into the crook of Louis’ arm and tugging him back toward the kitchen where there’s no one but a tall male on skates standing in the middle of the room. “Louis this is Show Pony. Pony this is a friend from home, Louis,” she says, motioning between the two easily. 

Show Pony raises and eyebrow and give Louis a once over. “Cute,” he says with a grin, gliding over to where the two of them are standing in the doorway, “Is this one gonna stay?”

“I don’t know yet do I, since he just showed up and all. Why don’t you go make sure those junk punks out there don’t ruin the house and make Ana more cross with us than she’s already going to be at the end of the night,” Reb says, pushing Louis toward the dining room table and giving Pony a smacking kiss before pushing him out of the kitchen and toward the living room. “So,” she starts, dropping onto one of the chairs and motioning for Louis to do the same, “what can I do for you, Louis, it took you awhile to find me, don’t ya think?”

That’s all it takes for Louis to spill his story, rambling on about getting his memory wiped and being forced to be one of BLI’s poster boys all while wanting nothing more than to get out of the bleach cleaned walls, tears in his eyes as he talks about his boys and how he’s afraid they’ll lose themselves if they have to stay there much longer. “And that’s where you come in,” he pauses gaze resting firmly on his folded hands, “we’re gonna need a place to stay and gear when we leave and, well, you’re the only person I know that’s managed to make it out of Battery City.”

“What made you think I’d be willing to help, Lou?” Reb questions, fingers tapping out a staccato beat on the hardwood of the table.

Louis bites his bottom lip and reaches out, covering her hand with his own. “Because you know how hard it is to get out of the shadow of your father, and you know that I’d never do anything to hurt Harry or Liam, so I’ve got to be telling the truth. You’re the only person that I’m friends with that’s not had their memories of me erased at one point and that’s something that’s surprisingly important to me,” he says, voice shaking slightly with nerves. 

“I knew you’d bring that asshole into this,” she sighs, shaking her head slightly at the memories of her own father. “Okay, I’ll help, but on one condition. You guys will have to help us run things around here, day-to-day things and any speciality runs that we have to make. If you start slacking? We’ll oust you one-by-one until you’re all out on your own in the desert so fast that your heads will spin. Also, Liam? He’s going to need to be completely off of the pills before you get out here because we’ll let all types of riff-raff crash here but we _refuse_ to let Ritalin Rats in here, we’re not a Retinal Resort, okay, no one gets to laze around and no one scarfs down pills,” Reb continues, turning her hand over to squeeze Louis’ tightly. 

“ _Thank you,_ ” Louis crows, jumping from his seat and pulling Rebel Rouser into a hug, “thank you so fucking much, Reb, seriously, we won’t fuck up.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” she laughs, letting herself be spun in a tight circle, “now get the hell out of here and back to your boys, okay? I’ll be expecting you within the month, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Louis grins, making sure she’s steady on her feet before he lets her go, “thanks again, seriously.”

That’s how Louis used his connections to ensure that he and his boys had a place to stay once they decided to run, easier than he feared it would be yet with stipulations that he couldn’t help but expect. That night Louis snuck back into BLI headquarters and barely managed to evade detection as he slipped back into the bunk room, closing the door with an audible snap and saying in a clipped, measured tone, “I _know_ you guys are awake.”

“Where the _hell_ were you?” Harry snaps, sitting up in his bed, his hair sleep mused and voice cracking. 

Louis looks at the younger male and keeps eye contact for the first time since the start of all of this mess. “I was ensuring that all of us had a place to stay once we escape, of course, what else would I be doing at this hour? Certainly I wouldn’t be sneaking off with someone to get _tattoos,_ ” he says, eyebrow raised slightly as Harry’s cheeks bloom with color and Niall lets out a noise suspiciously like a giggle. 

“What d’you _mean_ you were finding a place for us to stay?” Zayn questions loudly, eyes tracking Louis across the room as the older male makes his way to his bed. 

“I called on a connection and she’s said she’ll let us stay with her and her housemates so long as we pull our weight,” he answers, toeing his shoes off and settling onto his bed. “She said that Liam needs to be completely clean before we can move in though because she refuses to let a Ritalin Rat live in her house. That’s literally her only request of us,” Louis continues, eyes trained on Liam, “And I know you’ve cut down on your intake dramatically but you need to be done with them for good by the end of this month or we’re not going to have a place to go. You too Niall, though I know you only take then every other day, you need to be done with them completely too.”

“What about _you_?” Harry questions as Niall nods, showing his agreement with Louis. 

Louis shoots a look at the other male, who’s buried under a mound of blankets because no matter how warm it is during the day he’s constantly cold at night, and shakes his head slightly. “Babe, I’ve not been taking my pills for two weeks, and before that I _started out_ only taking them every-other day, I’ve never been as wiped as you four. _Ever_ ,” he says carefully, Harry’s eyes widening when he realizes what he means.

“You mean to tell me,” Harry starts, almost growling while Zayn and Niall mumble twin exclamations of _oh shit_ behind him, “that you _knew_ about us and yet you didn’t feel the need to _tell_ me! Why Louis? Were you hoping I wouldn’t remember so that you wouldn’t have to break up with me, I just wouldn’t ever remember being in a relationship with you?”

Louis blinks in shock at Harry’s tone, “No, _no_ , of course not! Harry, I love you, I never _stopped_ loving you, but how was I supposed to know if you had all of your memories back once you stopped taking the pills? How was I supposed to know if you remembered how much you loved me Before?”

“You couldn’t _tell_? Louis, I’m head over heels in love with you and I always have been…I always will be,” Harry says, hands twisting in the covers of his bed. “I’ve been off of my pills for _months_ and I’ve remembered I’ve loved you since the first day I stopped them; the first day I got my tattoo I realized what I had been forgetting.”

Louis stands up from his bed and walks over to Harry’s, crouching at the edge of his bed and grabbing a hand in his tightly. “If you think, for one second, that I was doing this to hurt you, you are dead wrong. I was doing this to protect _myself,_ I was being so fucking selfish, Harry,” he says quietly, catching the other man's gaze and holding it, “I was afraid that you were going to be caught and I figured it would be easier to not have you again to lose you, I thought that by not acknowledging what I knew was there it would stop me from feeling the pain I’ve already felt for a second time. I can’t lose you again, Harry, no matter how temporary it may be. That’s why I didn’t say anything, you’ve got to understand that.”

“I _understand_ that, but that doesn’t mean I _get it_ , okay,” Harry snaps, tugging his hand away from Louis’ grip and turning his gaze to the bland white blanket piled in his lap. “I was _miserable_ Lou, you had to have seen that! Was my _possible_ capture really worth me feeling like absolute _shit for weeks_ because I thought you were still high as a fucking kite and didn’t remember who I was? so, like I said, I _understand_ that you were being selfish, but I don’t _get_ why it had to be at my expense,” he mumbles out, trying to sound angry even as he fights against the tears that are threatening to fall from his eyes. 

“Well, boys, I think it’s time to pretend we can’t hear them,” Zayn mumbles to Niall and Liam, tucking himself under his covers and placing a pillow snugly over his head to block out as much of Louis and Harry’s voices as possible.

“Oh _now_ they learn manners,” Louis sighed tiredly, eyes rolling as Liam and Niall follow Zayn’s lead. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I can do to get you to believe me,” he says, pressing his index finger under Harry’s chin to raise his head so that the younger male was looking him in the eyes. 

Harry sniffles, wrapping a large hand around Louis’ small wrist. “Just get us out of here, yeah? And then we can talk about it,” he responds, using the grip he has on Louis’ wrist to tug him onto the bed, “Cuddle me for a few minutes now and I may let this whole thing go.”

“No you won’t,” Louis snorts, letting himself be manhandled onto the bed and curling up around Harry’s body while still on top of the covers, “but I’ll cuddle you until you fall asleep because I love you, not as an attempt to escape punishment.” Harry giggles slightly and burrows closer, tucking his head against Louis’ neck as he whispers a quiet goodnight and presses the smallest of kisses on the older male’s collarbone. “G’night, Haz,” Louis responds quietly, waiting until Harry’s breathing evens out to sneak back into his own bed.   
***********************

Two weeks later, Liam’s finally down to one pill every other day and the rest of the boys couldn’t be more proud of him, especially considering he was taking eight pills every day only weeks earlier. “I have to talk to Reb again, but I’m sure she’ll be okay with you coming with us if we just explain to her what’s going on,” Louis says quietly one night while Zayn and Harry are out, traipsing through the dust and dirt of the zones, Niall curled up in his own bed and actually sleeping for once. 

“If she’s not, just go without me okay? I don’t need you four to be stuck here just because I can’t kick my pill habit,” Liam responds, voice shaking and muffled from where he’s buried under a mountain of blankets and still shivering from withdrawal. 

“It’ll be fine, you’ll see. I’ll be back before you know it, and if you need anything just wake up Niall,” Louis says, gently brushing a hand over Liam’s shaved head and wrinkling his nose at the prickliness. “Still miss your curls,” he grumbles, standing up from Liam’s bed and walking carefully over to the door. “Tomorrow night we’re leaving, and you are coming with us,” he continues, his hand resting on the doorknob for a moment before he turns it and eases his way out of the room, leaving Liam alone with a sleeping Niall. 

Liam lets out a small groan as a shiver works it’s way through his body before letting his eyes slip closed, exhaustion sweeping over him in waves. _Brown curls creating a curtain around their faces as Liam leans up, pressing his mouth to the girl’s above him as they both laugh._ He knows he’s dreaming but he can almost smell Danielle, the way she always smelled like dust and motor oil no matter how many times she showered at his place, almost always with a faint scent of crayons that she traded almost anything for just to make her baby sister happy. Liam feels himself fall deeper into his dreams: _fingers tangled with his, tugging him under the shade of one of the biggest trees he’s ever seen in the zones, before her other hand tugs him into a kiss. The sound of her laughter after they walked in on Harry and Louis in a very compromising position as he tugged her away from the door, shouting curses at the two males hiding in his bedroom._

Liam wants to wake up so badly from his dreams, he doesn’t want to think about Dani anymore, but it’s like his mind won’t let him, keeping his eyes shut and body asleep so that all he can do is wait for what he knows is about to happen. _Her brown hair flying around her face as she yells for him to “run, Li, just fucking run!” while pushing him out of her–their– safe house when the alarm for incoming Dracs is being raised. He doesn’t want to leave, he can’t leave, so he hides and watches the whole thing happen; he watches Dani’s little sister, who he never met before, follow the same advice from her sister but actually run, a destination in mind as her own curls fly around her head, the others in the house, the ones with guns, are preparing to fight while Liam looks on in fear. He watches Dani pull out her own laser gun from a holster and tap it against her thigh as she checks it’s charge, his own hand curling into fists at being so helpless as she turns to face the incoming Dracs, prepared for a firefight._

_He watches Dani get gunned down by Drac, voice coming out in a yell as he watches her body hit the ground, ghosted even before her hair is spread out in the dirt like some bastardized version of a fallen angel._ Liam wakes with a gasp, Niall shaking his shoulder and then gathering him in his arms once he’s awake enough to open his eyes. “You’re fine, Liam, you’re _fine,_ ” Niall murmurs face pressing against Liam’s shoulder as the older male sobs into his neck. 

“I couldn’t _save_ her, I just sat there and watched her get ghosted,” He chokes out, hands gripping tightly to Niall’s shirt as he lets himself be held. 

“If you had tried you would have _died,_ Liam, you realize that, right?” Niall questions softly once the other male’s calmed down a bit

Liam sniffles and eases out of the hug, fingers sore from how he was holding onto Niall. “I know,” he says, nose stuffy and eyes wet, “sometimes I wish I had.”

“ _Liam_ ,” Niall starts, lifting a hand to wipe away the moisture from Liam’s cheek, “don’t ever say that, okay? Because you have four crazy guys that love you as you are and we’re all going to get out of here and you’ll be able to avenge Dani’s death, yeah? You’ve come so far and you’re only going to get better.”

"I know, Niall, it's just..." Liam sighs, pushing into Niall's hand slightly before ducking out of his reach as the bedroom door eases open, Louis, Harry and Zayn sneaking in and bringing the smell of dust with them.

“We leave tomorrow,” Louis says once the door is shut firmly behind Zayn, reaching out to grasp Harry’s hand and give it a squeeze as he smiles at Liam, taking a second to process the red rimmed eyes of his friend. “What happened?” he questions anxiously, tugging Harry toward Liam’s bed and dropping onto the mattress next to Niall.

Liam shakes his head and waves off Louis’ concern. “Just a bad memory. I’m fine, I swear,” he answers, yawning slightly and lying back against his mattress.

“You sure you’re okay?” Harry presses, reaching a hand out to touch Liam’s uncovered hand carefully. 

“Seriously, I’m _fine_ ,” Liam insists, rolling his eyes at everyone’s concern and letting out a tired sigh. “So, we leave tomorrow night?” he changes the subject, his nose wrinkling slightly as Zayn laughs at his attempt from where he’s now bundled up in his own bed, lying on his side to watch the other four spread out on Liam’s. 

Louis’ eyes take on a shine of excitement as he breaks into the plan, voice barely above a whisper as he speaks of what happens if they become separated and where they’re going to meet up before they head to Rebel Rouser’s (“I still can’t believe El changed her name to _that_ ” “Trust me when I tell you that’s not the most unbelievable thing going on under that roof”). He talks until his voice is raw and Harry’s practically dragging him to his own bed because they _need to be well rested for tomorrow, Lou, and that means sleep so please just shut up._

None of the five have slept more peacefully than they did that night, obviously planning on leaving was a great idea.

 

***********************

Leaving was not a good idea, leaving was a _terrible_ idea. 

Niall can barely feel his legs, he’s been running so long, and he’s pretty sure he was grazed on the calf by a laser beam shot by one of the Dracs. His feet hurt, his lungs hurt, and he wants to just pack it all in and give up but he’s never felt more _alive._

He’s also never felt more lost, he thinks, refusing to panic as he checks behind himself to make sure there’s no one on his tail before he slows to a walk. Now all he has to do is find the mailbox that Louis told them about, the one with the graffiti that’s surrounded by nothing but dirt. 

Niall _really_ hopes everyone else is already at the mailbox.

Zayn’s the first to the mailbox, his legs cramping while he makes the final sprint to the metal bin as he keeps glancing over his shoulder. His shoulder hurts from where one of the Dracs managed to slam the butt of his laser gun against it when they realized they ran out of juice but other than that he had a relatively easy time managing to get away from the melee. Unlike Louis and Harry who, last time he saw them, were surrounded by Dracs and trying their best to get away, waving Liam and he off and screaming for the three of them to _“just fucking run! We’ll meet you, just go.”_

Zayn lost track of Liam and Niall but he knows they were somewhere behind him, running to get away from the Dracs not keep up with him. He really hopes everyone gets to the mailbox safely, because he’s not sure how they’ll survive if they’re a man down. 

Harry and Louis haven’t let each other’s hand go since they escaped the crowd of Dracs and started running and Harry makes a breathless joke that “ _maybe this is how it’s supposed to be, eh? Our hand are probably going to end up sticking together from the sweat and we’ll never be apart again,”_ which normally Louis would laugh at but he’s terrified that the five of them have been separated. He needs Harry to feel _alive_ but he needs the other boys to _survive_ and so far he’s been a shitty leader, losing his three boys within their first hour of freedom and on the brink of a panic attack. A panic attack that’s trying to occur when his lungs don’t have enough air to be sucked from him _anyway._

Louis can’t breath, _he can’t breath_ , and Harry doesn’t know what to do other than stop running and force the older male to bend at the waist, his arms dangling loosely in front of him and breathing unsteady. “I’ve got you, babe, I’m here,” Harry mumbles, hands running over Louis’ back as his breathing slowly begins to even out, shallow breaths leaving his parted lips as he slowly stands up straight. 

“We have to keep running,” Louis pants, voice harsh even to his own ears as he looks around wildly. 

Harry shakes his head quickly, “I _can’t_ run anymore, Lou, I can’t. We’re fine we’ll just like, speed walk or something, I think we’ve already run far enough away.” Harry raises a hand before Louis can speak, the other male’s mouth open to reply, “ _please?_ ” he pleads, out of breath himself. 

“Right, yeah, we ran enough. We’re almost there anyway,” Louis agrees, reaching a hand up to brush a bit of dirt off of Harry’s cheek before tugging him into a searing kiss, lips tingling from the force behind it. “I love you,” he says as they break apart, letting his drop to tangle with Harry’s. 

“I love you too, but don’t make it sound like a goodbye,” Harry responds, squeezing Louis’ fingers and letting himself be lead in the direction of the mailbox. 

Liam’s panicking too much to realize that he’s been hurt which, in the long run, is probably best for him because at least he’s managed to run away from the Dracs without feeling the pain. Dirt under his feet and cold desert night nipping at his nose and he’s suddenly _very much_ aware of how similar what just happened was to what happened to Danielle. He slows to a jog as he tries to catch his breath and convince himself that he didn’t leave Harry and Louis to die like he did Dani and that they’re okay, but his pulse is racing so much he can feel it in his head and he can’t quite manage to convince himself that they’ll be at the mailbox where they’re meeting. 

He’s just realized that his arm is burning. Like literally _burning,_ his sleeve is smoldering a bit from one of the laser blasts and he’s got a nasty burn running across his bicep but he’s still jogging, trying to get to the mailbox as fast as possible while trying to outrun the flashbacks of Danielle that he knows are inevitable. 

Liam’s quite possibly panicking when he sees shadowy figures in the distance, fingers curling into tight fists as one of the shadows breaks off and starts toward him. “ _LIAM!_ ” Louis’ voice is loud as it echoes through the silent desert and Liam’s fingers uncurl while his gait speeds up, tackling Louis to the ground with a choked off sob once he reaches the older male. 

“Thank _fuck_ you’re okay,” Liam mumbles against Louis’ shoulder, “I was…it was like what happened to–and then you told us to run and I just _did._ ”

“We’re good, Li, _all_ of us are safe, if not a little worse for the wear,” Harry says, voice as soft as his touch when he grabs both Liam and Louis by the elbow to help them stand from the dust. “ _You,_ on the other hand, have a nasty burn,” he continues, gaze lingering on Liam’s bicep before brushing dirt away from the wound carefully. 

Niall and Zayn crowd around Liam and hug him, careful of his arm. “Was worried about you. _Dick_ ,” Zayn says softly against Liam’s ear as Niall grumbles something close to that against his throat. 

“C’mon, we’ve gotta move,” Louis says, sniffling and wiping a hand over his face, looking at the other four boys. “Reb said she’d be expecting us before sunrise and with that little scuffle we had back there we’ll probably _just_ make it,” he continues as Zayn and Niall pull away from Liam, nodding their heads and grabbing their duffle bags from where they dropped them. 

The rest of their walk is much less worrying than the first half. With all boys present and accounted for and no Dracs in sight they make it to Rebel Rouser’s Fuck You house in a little over an hour, the sky just barely pink with sunrise as Harry knocks tiredly on the door, leaning against the doorframe for a second before he hears footsteps approaching. “El?” he questions incredulously, taking in the view of the dirt smudged girl in front of him with disbelief. 

“Hey, Harry, Liam,” she greets, leaning around the tall male in front of her to see the others, “boys I don’t know, and the one I knew best of all. Come in, it looks like we have a few things to patch up here.”

“Thanks, Reb, for everything,” Louis says quietly as he steps past her and into the house, the four other murmuring greetings as they too step into the house. 

Rebel smiles, eyes pitying. “I told you to stop thanking me. Now, I’ll be in the kitchen with the first aid kit so come find me once you’ve celebrated your escape here in my entryway,” she says, pointing toward the kitchen and then walking in the opposite direction, presumably to grab the first aid kit. 

The five of them look at each other and grin, Harry letting out a loud laugh before clapping a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. “We did it, boys! We’re free men now!” Louis grins, tackling Harry against the wall and pulling Niall and Zayn with him, Liam pressing in close behind, leaving Louis in the middle of their celebratory group hug. “This is the start of a great adventure, I’m sure,” his voice is muffled because his face is pressed against Harry’s collarbones but the other four voice their giddy agreements.

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is done…for _now_
> 
> I look forward to writing more of this 'verse, but as of right now I need to focus on classes and trying to pass them. I'm already plotting out at least one more part, but this is a pretty decent stand alone piece.


End file.
